DAY 12 Afternoon live feed: The most EGGscellent task to EGG-ver take place

Our jolly JJJ are at the sofas joking and giggling. The store room is open for all HM's to collect their Humpty Dumpty eggs of King's men costumes. John is suitably unimpressed with his egg outfit. 

JOHN: What the??? AHHH, my feet aren't that big, Big Brother! 

I think I recall him once saying that his shoe size is a UK 8. Not sure if that is large or not for an average.. ok, little-bit-bigger-than-average male ;)

He unloads his box in the lounge and from my questionable and limited lip-reading ability, says 'what the hell?' as he holds up his tights during a sound cut. Josie is enraptured by her new horsey friend 'oh, we've got a horse as well!' and whinnies with an unnervingly nail-on-the-head imitation of a horse! 

The egg heads are not EGGer to participate in the task after learning they must sit on their wall for 4 hours! Every time the nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty is played into the house, all the King's men have to collect eggs from the store room and have 1 minute to throw them at the Humpties! Josie laughs at the instructions while putting on her Cheryl Cole-esque 'fight for this love' King's men ensemble. 

SHABBY: I'm starting to think I picked the wrong team to be honest with you. Ahhhh 4 hours! And we were bitching about 90 minutes!!

JOHN: I'm not standing out in the cold for 4 hours, just wearing these! (You won't be standing out in the cold, John.. you'll be SITTING out in the cold! He has the tights held out again trying to make sense of what to do with them!) 

He wants to know if he can wear anything else over the top of his bright, blue tights/leggings. This question tickles Josie especially as John doesn't see the point of them! :) 

JOHN: (Mild hissy fit) Well, I'm just chucking 'em over the top then. I REFUSE to wear just these! (checks again if anyone will be wearing anything else underneath and cracks up laughing) How am I meant to get ino them?! 

No wonder he had a near melt-down in Asda when he went to buy some for Josie's sisters.. it could have brought back traumatic memories of THIS day!! 

Josie is over the moon AND running away with the spoon delighted with her costume and its comfiness. She kindly helps Mario on with his crimson straight jacket! :D 

JOSIE: I quite like these little suits! She finds it hilarious that the Kings Men get to lob eggs at the HM's stuck on the wall.  She is quite eager to get a gander at John in his sexy Avatar-blue stockings;) 

JOSIE: Let's have a look at you in your tights, then! 

Even back this early on, she was trying to get a cheeky ogle of the object of her affections :D

On catching a sneaky peek, she cracks up (OH YES, I'm keeping the eggy jokes coming!!) which agitates John further.

JOHN: No, I'm not happy about this! As soon as I heard, I thought 'I wonder if they'll make us wear lycra!' 

JOSIE: (Cackling and continues EGGING him on!) And you were dying to be the Humpty Dumpties as well! Why? Why?

AN EGGSITING EGGSTRACT of conversation:

JOHN: (Berates himself) I knew I should have been the thrower! (envious of the King's men and their cooler costumes) And you get cool trackies and stuff! (he struggles putting on his costume and gets his tighties in a twist as he petulantly bellows to BB) If this breaks BB, it's your problem! Cos I refuse to go out in lycra and that's it! 

MARIO: (Merrily suggests) You can be like Peter Pan! 

Isn't he the boy who never grew up? The BB experience and John's relationship with Josie, helped him turn from a little lost boy into a grown man.. suddenly having to figure out brand new feelings he'd never encountered before. 

JOHN: (To Mario) Do you have any track bottoms I can wear?

JOSIE: (quips in good humour) You look EGGtastic! (she's on a roll now as she giggles at her own gags) Don't get EGGY just cos you look like a ..  

SHABBY: (The egg jokes are wearing thin on her as Jose helps with her tights) Shut up, Josie! Can't believe we've got to sit outside for 4 hours!!

JOSIE: (Undeterred) It's not very EGGonomical, is it? Stop it! (she laughs at her own punnies) If it makes you feel any better um.. this is REALLY comfortable! :D John James!

JOHN: (Moodily snaps) What??

JOSIE: (Decides to try out her YOLKS on him .. as they were getting a bit of a RAW deal as they are so STINKY!) Stop getting EGGY, alright?

SHABBY: (Still trying to ascertain what EGGsactly the task involves) So.. we've got to sit.. covered in egg, for 4 hours?!!

JOHN: (Puzzled, perplexed and PO'd with his pantyhose) Which is the front and which is the back?? Does it even matter? 

Sunshine seizes the chance to flatter John 'have you seen how hot John looks in those tights?' The comment does not go unappreciated and he rewards her with a smile and a remark about how hummin' he is! Josie's moustache is itchy! 

The horsemen are to ensure there are less than 3 eggs (of the HUMAN variety) on the wall at the end of the task in order for them to win. Sunshine is loving her role as Queen (which she was assigned due to her allergies to egg) but the red lippy is doing NOTHING for her!! 

John continues to lament the role he allocated himself 'I was so close to throwing.. I've been throwing all day!' (and now he was metaphorically kicking himself!!)Dave , who has a Freddy Mercury look about him, declares that John was one of the first to sign up to be an egg.. before he realised what he had let himself in for, that is!

Shabby reads to the group 'if BB deems that eggs aren't thrown with enough gusto, the task will be failed.' 

DAVE: (Rejoicingly reassures) Oh, there WILL be gusto, don't worry! Little do they know, the gusto they are about to see. 

JOHN: (Theorises) If you got hit in the face with an egg, it would knock you out! .. If I was throwing, it would knock you out for sure!! (BB reminds HM's to wear their microphones at all times which riles John up mooore) Don't start!

Dave kindly lends John a t-shirt as he'd wanted 'a crap one' that isn't liked, so that he wouldn't ruin his own clothes! John is now a fully fledged and assembled egg and jokes with Josie that he will throw eggs back at her 'no, you didn't get my stain out! F**k ya!' 

SUNSHINE: (Drolly jests) John, don't be down.. look on the SUNNY side! .. You should be EGGstatic!! (that joke is SOOOOOOOO 10 minutes ago when Josie used it. C'mon Sunny, think of some new witty material!) 

In the bedroom, Shabby and Caoimhe knew straight away they wanted to be eggs! They quite like their tights and want to steal the pumps. They wonder what costumes they will get win they win a Nursery rhymes party. Shabby states that Sunshine gets away with quite a lot because she's a vegan! Mario meanly schemes to go for the girls with their eggs, especially Caoimhe as she as an injured leg! Shabby can see them getting in quite bad moods in the task, when the egg starts drying and stinks!

BB announces that the task will begin in 10 minutes. Shabby starts to become concerned about the aftermath of the task as the rules state that they should be hit in the facial area!!  Most of the HM's are in the kitchen snacking before the task begins. Dave worries Shabby that Stevo 'has got a hell of a throw on him! He's like a rocket!' Shabby would like Steve to bear in mind that they are 'still people' when he pelts the eggs at them! 

DAVE: (Frightens her further) He bench presses 300 pounds! He's got arms like legs!! 

Ben needs Mario to explain the task to him as he only broadly understands it. Shabby and Mario determine that the difficulty is dependent on how thin the wall is. Word has got back to Shabby that they are gunning for the girls and this makes her more determined not to fail. 'I will not have this actually!' 

BB orders all Humpty Dumpties to make their way to the garden and stand in front of the wall. Absurdly, we hear Mario call out 'Josie, your moustache!' (not a sentence normally associated with Josie .. that is until she discovered she'd had one all along on John's final day in the house)She wanders back into the search on the hunt for her facial hair. 

JOSIE: Oh no! Where's me moustache gone? 

BB disciplines Humpties, who are not allowed to put cushions or towels inside their tights (as this would make the 4 hears much more bearable) .. John had been weighing up this option.

JOHN: Why? Who did that? They said that, so we can't sit comfortably!! 

He admits that if he were one of the throwers he would 'peg it real hard!' towards the poor, defence-less little eggies. Corin considers that the wall is quite wide so is unsure of their chances of getting the eggs off the wall. John proceeds to mouth 'COME ONNNN!' and gestures for the King's men to 'bring it' with his hands as they await the task commencing. 

Sunshine is anxious about being out in the garden surrounded by eggs being splattered. Steve seems to think they will be throwing sponges instead, which was not the case. 

MARIO: (Threatens) Jooooohn, we're gonna get your testicles!! 

DAVE: (Banters) I quite like a bit of scrambled egg in the morning :D Get ready, ladies!!

Josie has found her moustache and has it firmly fixed above her lip. All the Humpties have taken their positions on the wall and Caoimhe already has pins and needles. Nathan starts his French accent up, mocking the King's men as a 'sissy!' 

JOHN: (Declares war) Nah stuff 'em! I'll catch 'em and throw it back!! 

NATHAN: Look at you girls, you all need a shave! Sort yourselves out!

Caoimhe and Govan start to give back the banter about how ridiculous all the throwers look! Nathan motivates his fellow eggs in a French accent and they high five each other 'come on eggs, we're going nowhere!!' 

Josie feels bad about having to throw the eggs as she knows it will hurt in the face. Corin tries to convince her it won't, not wanting to ever fail a task. BB tells the eggs that they must remain on the walls, which ticks off an impatient Johnny egg 'just start the buzzer then!!'

BB begins to broadcast after an another announcement to start the endurance Humpty Dumpty task, when the microphone cuts out. John cheers 'WEYYYYYYY!' at the audio blip. BB starts over and the task EGGventually gets under way. As the klaxon sounds, Mario makes a run for it to fetch eggs thinking he has to get them now, forgetting to wait for the nursery rhyme until Steve and Dave remind him. 

Infuriatingly, Josie manages to still look pretty even with the big, black, blokey, glued-on 'tache! Dave taunts the Humpties (Shabby, Caoimhe, Nathan, John, Govan and Ife) on the wall relentlessly!

JOHN: (Jibes back at the Kings Men, sticks tongue out at them) You've got less chance of hitting me, than Josie does!! You throw like a sissy! (while hiding his face under his egg hole, like a baby chick who hasn't yet hatched) 

Josie doesn't take John's comment in good spirits and pleads with her King's men 'pleaaaaaase can you get John James off!!' There is a SC while the light-hearted banter and bickering continues. Govan's foot touches the ground within minutes of the task setting off and the egg throwers want him disqualified! 

Mario speaks into his mic for BB to watch the footage back. John yells for water so Dave chucks him a bottle as they have to provide them with it throughout the task, so they don't dehydrate. Josie is more interested in the whereabouts of the lighter than anything else :D 

The afternoon feed comes to a smelly end. None of this task was featured on the Highlights of day 12 - as there was too much JJJ drama to fit into the show due to their first argument 'smelly breath gate!' Plus, the task flopped and fizzled out spectacularly.. if I remember correctly, BB stopped it a couple of hours early as BB hadn't provided enough eggs for the King's Men to throw.