*JOSIE (offscreen) 'do you know how many people wanna marry me?' (After their picture game of snog, marry, shag)
John laughs (*sighs* after BB he was one of those who wanted to marry her for real .. if only for a little while) Mario is over the
moon that he is free of the mole hole and now gets to share a bed with a really good-looking man. Dave warns John that he
wants to be careful because of what Mario has just said.
BEN: I think Mario needs to be careful of Johnny!
Sunshine gives John a picture of her 'I want you to have this so you can go to sleep looking at me!' Cruuuuuuuuel!
Why would she want to inflict such ghastly nightmares upon him? :S Mario then makes John's blood run cold too by crudely
commenting that he 'didn't bring any connies!' After he recovers from such terror John holds up Ife's picture card
and thinks she looks exactly like someone who was on a series of America's next top model.
*Sunshine hops in the middle of John and Mario in their bed and asks 'shall we all sleep in the same bed?' (YOU WISH,
LOVE!!) she is not answered. That would be the biggest, fattest NOOO!John has lost her picture already and thinks she has
dropped it down the back of the bed! Sunshine rests her head against John which makes me feel violently ill. Ben gets into
the bed too and Dave comes over and lies on top of the sheets as well.
BEN: You're being mounted by a Welshman!
*Winter .. I mean.. Stormcloud .. I mean Starshine .. is considering wearing her name badge tomorrow as people keep calling
her Summer :D Mario advises anyone who is issued a secret task to stay well away from Sunshine as she'll crack them. Dave
says he too had spiritually discerned that Mario was the mole.. nothing to do with the obvious, in your face mole suit and
sign spelling out 'I AM THE MOLE' then? ;) Ben whispers for John to suck Davey's toes but unsurprisingly John does NOT take
him up on this - yeuuuuuch!
*John is missing 2 of the 14 HM pictures which he has positioned beside his bed but Ife doesn't like her so takes it back. John
complains 'it took me ages to do that!' John climbs aboard Dave and spanks his bum while he has a laughing fit!
MARIO: Excuse me, John .. if you're gonna be sh*gging anyone - it's gonna be me, thank you!
*Mario wants to know more about how Steve was tied up to a lap dancer's pole (as this was one of the quiz questions) Steve
has no memory of even telling BB about this. He explains it was his birthday and he'd had a few beers with some of the
wheelchair basketball boys. A lad he'd been in the army with had let them in for free and given them beer tokens. One of his
friends disappeared and then his name was announced for him to come on stage where they tied him to a chair and then to a
pole. They took his shirt off and covered his chest in cream and then girls were dancing on him and licking the cream off. He
doesn't normally go to 'those places' and says it was just 'a bit of harmless fun!'
*Big Brother tells them that the storeroom is open for Mario to collect his suitcase 'and John James to collect his
strepsils' John pledges his love to Big Brother in a silly voice. John is reminded by BB that HM's must not attach labels
to microphone fixtures (as he has tied his name tag to one) John petulantly 'that's been there for ages!' He'd hung it to
another one first; Sunshine orders him to talk to BB about it. John sardonically 'oh yeah, so I can wait another half
an hour for it!'
*JOHN: (In a cute accent) um..what were you gonna say, Jose?
JOSIE: You were talking to me in the bed and I just totally ignored you. I'm really sorry.
JOHN: When?
Which makes Josie wonder if she is hearing things again.
*In the background I think I hear Josie ask John if he has a six pack. Then hear her audibly 'WOOOOOWWWWW!!' so
either she got a glimpse of it accidentally or he flashed it to her as he laughs.
*John sits back on his own bed next to Sunshine who tells him 'I don't really like being in your armpit!' he sniffs it and
agrees it doesn't smell too good.
DAVE: You'll be shacking up with the Mole, you wouldn't have thought that this morning!
Rachael asks Josie and Govan if John has bad breath they say 'yes.'
JOHN: Didn't you know that? Didn't you know that?
John explains to Ben that he drank milk and breathed on Govan asked Govan if his breath smelt and Govan told him it did ..
while Josie is doing this exact impression to Corin. She can't tell the story for laughing so has to compose herself. John tells
Rachael it was early in the morning when it smelt like a 'sewer!' but he'd rather that Govan had told him yes than no as
he'd have 'just kept walking around all day wondering why everyone was running away!'
JOSIE: Govan was like, I think it's cos you've been drinking milk! (she giggles as she attempts to talk)Govan..
Govan had told him 'you wanna start brushing your tongue.. get right at the back!'
Rachael thinks tongue cleaners are an ingenious invention as they get tea stains off.
JOHN: The way he said it .. I couldn't do anything else but laugh!
JOSIE: We've punished the Mole with John's bad breath! (all in good-humoured banter)
JOHN: Yeah, you've got a lot coming Mole!
GOVAN: You'll wake up and Mario will be on the other side of the bed! He'll be in with Ben!
John says that was his plan as he thought if he was in a double bed with someone that maybe they would f**k off!
JOSIE: You can imagine Mario going 'I thought the ants were bad!'
John reveals that when he and Mario were in the Diary room he was told he could collect his belongings from the Mole hole.
BB had cheeked 'make sure you say goodbye to the ants'
JOHN: How rude's that?! (the others awww in sympathy)
Govan, Rachael and Josie start discussing Vanessa a HM in BB6 who sprained her ankle and had to go to hospital. John
overhears part of the conversation and wants to be involved 'what happened, Joey?'
JOSIE: Don't think you can come back over here now you've ..
JOHN: They're talking too loud.. I couldn't hear.. your story's more interesting - go..
Govan fills him in that Vanessa had to leave the house to go to hospital. John asked how many weeks later she returned -
Govan thinks it was the same day or the next. BB reminds HM's not to talk about past BB series.
Josie has hold of a picture of her, one of Govan and one of John. John wants to know who the three are so she turns them
round for him to see.
JOHN: Awh! That would be a hell of a threesome, wouldn't it? Actually I don't think I'd rock up to that!
GOVAN: You're a whore!
JOSIE: What?
GOVAN: Why are you always trying it with other men?! All the f**king time, I'm sick of it!! (He snatches
the cards from her clutches) You're a f**king bike!
JOHN: You'd be having a go, Gov and then it would be my turn and she'd be like 'oh, put Govan back on!!'
GOVAN: (Teases) 10, 20, 30 – done!! Everyone would be jumping on! Hop on and off!
Josie asks what they are on about.
GOVAN: Your tuppence!
JOSIE: (mock outrage) Don't you talk about my flower in that range!
John repeats 'flower?!' clearly amused. Govan tells her it's not a flower 'more like a f**kin' cactus!!' This comment has
John close to peeing his Peter Pan pull ups!!
JOHN: A cactus?!!!
GOVAN: Your venus flytrap!
JOSIE: Did you not hear Big Brother.. designer vagina? You're a bully! You're a bully!
*John's ears prick up 'what did you say you have? A designer vagina? Who's ..Does everyone say that?! Who
said you had a designer vagina?'
JOSIE: Um .. my mate Jeanette.
John is chomping at the bit with curiosity to know what happened with that.
JOSIE: I was just in the bath one day and I asked her to come and have a look at something cos she's like
my gynaecologist .. and she went (in what sounds like an Australian accent) F**kin' hell Jose, you've got a
f**kin' designer vagina!'
JOHN:(quips) Is she Australian?
JOSIE: No, she's Cockney!
JOHN:(pushes) And what did you say? What's a designer vagina look like? (He only had to wait 77 days before he
found out himself) ;)
JOSIE: (Humours them) Well she reckons I've got no .. hardly any inner lips.
JOHN: Inner lips?
John's mouth is wide open with mixed astonishment and amusement! He possibly hadn't ever met a girl who was both as
brutally and refreshingly open as himself.
JOSIE: Can you not .. can we get off this subject now? Right let's talk about your penis! Let's talk about your
penis, shall we?
JOHN: I might go back over here now (NOT wanting the tables to be turned on him & tries to escape an interrogation)
JOSIE: NO, no! Get back over here!! (SC)
JOHN: ..big balls? I don't think so.
GOVAN: (Suggestively) Big enough for your (Josie's) mouth!
JOHN: Yeah, you'd get them all in! 'Let's talk about your balls!'
The topic has Josie coming over all flustered as she fans herself with the pictures.
JOSIE: Do you um .. it's hot in here innit?
JOHN: Come on, get to the point!
JOSIE: Do you shave your balls or leave them au nautrelle?
GOVAN: I don't believe in that ..
JOHN: Yeah.. nah.. I spoke to Gov about this yesterday .. it does sting when you .. when you nip em! I've ..
(overshares) I've hit the deck before! See I was in a rush and I just went 'ufhhhhhhhhhh!' and then when
the water goes on it .. f**kin' stings!
Josie begins to ask him more personal questions 'when's the last time you ..'
JOHN: When's the last time I shaved em?
JOSIE: No, when was the last time you got tested?
Nathan pipes up about how disgustingly hairy he is. John jibes 'something gave that away, I don't know what!'
JOHN: Um.. tested for what? (not understanding what she means)
JOSIE: Tested (and states) sexually transmitted disease?
He starts to answer how often he is tested but this is too personal as the cameras cut away.
John then returns the question to Josie 'do you shave?'
JOSIE: I normally gets sugared.
JOHN: What does that mean?
JOSIE: Like wax, really.
JOHN: Wax?
JOSIE: Yeah, but I forgot to have one before I come in.
JOHN: Ah, so it's going right off?'
JOSIE: (Admits) Yeah!!
JOHN: Really? You forgot.. you forgot to? So it's getting pretty hectic down there?!' (She nods) YEAH?!! Are
you worried about that? .. Oh, you ARE??
In the background before E4 goes to a break Sunshine is summarising the science behind an erection.
GOVAN: I can't believe you left us!
JOHN: It wasn't on purpose! I just thought that .. cos ..
John flaps his legs in the air laughing at how Govan envisages John saying Good night to Mario and breathing all over his face.
JOHN: This house is well funny, f**king hell!
GOVAN: I don't mean to sound biased but I think this is the funniest one.
Josie is holding her picture next to John's picture and asks if they would think she was from Australia as well.
JOHN: What with your rrrrrrr's like that?!'
Josie gestures for Govan to look at the striking resemblance between the 2 cards she is holding.
GOVAN: I'd think you were his koala!
Rachael reckons they could be in Neighbours.
JOHN: I think we could be brother and sisters .. brother and sister..
Govan, Nathan and Rachael tease him that this would be illegal in this country. Gov 'you'd get arrested!' Josie chips in
'brothers and sisters don't ask each other about their private parts!'
GOVAN: And they don't kiss like you've been doing!' (HUH???)
RACHAEL: Or rub face!
JOHN: Or rub boob!
JOSIE: It was a kiss but my gnashers got in the way.. Looking forwards to tonight, John?
JOHN: Where is he? (scans the room checking where Mario is before answering) Yeah! (Josie chuckles) Yeah, of
course I am.
Rachael doesn't think any men in past series have shared beds. Josie wants John to pass her Mario's picture – John 'is he
coming into the equation?' (hands it to her) 'I wanted to do explicit things (with the pictures!!) but I thought
they might hark up!' Josie makes John's photo kiss Mario's which makes John laugh. Rachael makes John feel
slightly uncomfortable by sharing that Mario had chosen him to 'shag' in the game some of them played earlier.
JOHN: Yeah?! He didn't tell me that .. cos I was gonna say him for marriage but Josie can clean.. (so it is safe
to speculate that Josie was his choice) :D
John admits he hasn't been friends with a gay guy before.
GOVAN: Well you're sleeping with 1 now!
JOHN: Obviously I've got nothing against them .. obviously ..
JOSIE: You might fall in love! (Oh he fell in love alright .. only it was with YOU!)
JOHN: He doesn't make me feel uncomfortable at all .. nuh, he doesn't make me feel uncomfortable even a
little bit.. not that we would even.. we sat on the Diary room chair and we were fine so..
Josie asks the question on everyone's lips .. or maybe only hers!! ;)
JOSIE: But what happens when you get a tonker in the morning?
JOHN: What's a tonker?!! Is that someone batting you off? Well he won't have to do it for long, will he?
Rachael spells it out for him that it is a hard on.
JOSIE: (Stammers) Yeah, no.. because .. what we were on about ..what Sunshine was just on about..
JOHN: I didn't understand a word she was saying..
John proclaims he doesn't really get erections after Govan clarifies she'd been speaking about guys having them in the morning.
RACHAEL: You are an alien man!
JOHN: I wish I did because when I go in there to take a p*ss I thought 'I've got this small weiner every time I
go and Big Brother's gonna think..' so I was hoping that one time I actually did get one.. so I could show him.
Nathan describes John as 'the most brutally honest man!' he's met. Steve agrees either that 'or he's lying through
his back teeth!' After Govan farts Josie asks if anyone wants to swap beds with her. John claims that he only gets an
erection about 4 times a year or something and only 'probably cos I'm thinking of some bird! Not because I've
just woken up with it! I've never just woken up with a full on stiff' He had more than 4 while in BB after being
affectionate or intimate with Josie!! Nathan instructs him to stop speaking 'or you're not gonna get a f**king shag
after this!'
JOHN: Does everyone wake up with one?
RACHAEL: I wake up with an erection!
GOVAN: (determines) Maybe he's defected!
JOHN: I've got a mate that does.. but I didn't know that I was the abnormal!
RACHAEL: You are really abnormal, babe.
John reveals that there was only one question he had asked before entering BB.
JOHN: that I didn't know whether I was normal or not .. I asked my mate .. I was on the toilet, and I'm like
'oh sh*t people are gonna be watching me on the toilet!' I was like 'do you wipe..' listen to this Gov, cos I
need your help.. I said 'do you wipe from the back or the front?' (some guffaws resound) Cos I remember as a
kid I used to wipe from the back but then I transferred.. (Josie hides her face behind the pictures) I wanted to know..
STEVE: I reckon you must be on the biggest wind up this planet's ever known! (not thinking any sane person
would offer up this too-much-information information of their own free will)
JOHN: And he said 'no, I go round the front' and I said 'yeah, that's what I do.. so that's normal, isn't it?'
And then we spoke to someone else and they went around the back! So if you're a girl and you're wiping
from the front you could have massive problems..
JOSIE: You would never do that!
JOHN: Obviously, you stroke it back.. (explaining the process to the technique)
JOSIE: Sh*tty balls! (nearly peeing the panties laughing)
JOHN: So does everyone wipe from the back?
Josie believes he would get poop on his balls using that method!
JOHN: You just push it back! That's what I do .. and then you just go bang, bang, bang, all over ..
RACHAEL: No, babe.. that's not what you do!
JOHN: Well my friend says he does it that way too .. so .. maybe he just wanted to make me look like a
tosser on TV!
JOSIE: I reckon you oughta get rid of this mate!
JOHN: Because someone asked me 'what do you do with your balls?' I was like 'well you just lift them up
and put 'em to the side!'
He says he may give the other way a 'whirl! I'm always up for new things!' Nathan throws his head back in fits.
JOHN: Obviously, you don't want sh*t on your balls - so that's a massive issue .. so obviously you just have
to push it back and .. I've got long arms so I push it right back.. and then you just go (makes strange noises)
and then that's it.. you don't go like that and then wipe it the whole way ..
John is adamant that he'll try the 'normal' way and wipe from the back 'so you lift the cheek?'
GOVAN: I'm worried for ya!
NATHAN: This is a pleasant conversation, isn't it?
The group (more specifically Rachael) want to know what else is weird about John.
JOHN: I'm finding out! What else have we got?
Rachael reminds John that the bed he is laying on isn't his anymore Shabby has now taken residence in it and John is edging
her off so has to stand up so she can re-adjust.
JOSIE: That is absolutely gross John, I've gotta say!
JOHN: Yeah!
Steve asks him if the toilet water flushes in the opposite direction in Australia. John says it does as they are on the other side
of the hemisphere.
JOSIE: You're joking? Have you noticed that, have you?
JOHN: It will be well f**king funny when I go in the toilet next. They'll be like, 'He's changed direction now.
Rachael bets the camera crew have been laughing their heads off at him! Nathan gets on the teasing train too as Rachael
continues that in the control room they'll all be calling 'CAMERA 2!'
JOHN: 'He's in! He's in! He's IN!!' (Can barely breathe while belly laughing) I LOVE this house - f**king hell!
JOSIE: I've never EVER met anyone who wipes that disgusting way!
GOVAN: Oh, shut up! You told me you'd sucked them!!
JOSIE: You what?
GOVAN: You told me you 'ad him! (meaning John)
JOSIE: What his sh*tty balls?
GOVAN: So that means you must 'av been sucking his balls!
JOSIE: Not me, love.. not me.
Josie says that Shabby is the only woman for her now.
SHABBY: Not if you've been on his sh*t sacks!! .. I'm scared of them!
STEVE: What chocolate, salted balls?
John asks Shabby if she always knew she was gay - which she has and if she's ever been with a man - which she had as she
wanted to make sure. After the break, Josie has put something on her skin that is really itching and feels red raw. She jokes
for Govan to blow on her skin in order to cool it down.
Sunshine gets upset as Ben winds her up implying she has a verruca! Govan harks up as they will all get one if someone has
one - Steve says he would be the exception since he does not have feet. Sunshine appeals to Ben to stop lying to them all.
JOHN: Don't worry, Sunshine..I wipe my ass back to front, you've got nothing to worry about! (In hushed
tones speaks to Rachael) aw she's gets upset real easy, doesn't she? Far out! I feel sorry for her..
RACHAEL: Why?
JOHN: She takes everything to heart.. I really do wipe my arse back to front and I don't even care!
RACHAEL: And you've got milky breath and come in 30 seconds!
JOHN: Why've I got sauce on my f**king knees?
He remembers it is from making the pizzas that Mario then destroyed. Steve says that he'll hold that against him now.
JOHN: Oi, Mario .. don't forget you've got some washing up to do tomorrow!
John tells Steve he knows the principle of how to do the moonwalk but he can't do it. He has a go (off camera) but Steve
insults him saying 'you look like a skeleton.. riggor mortis!' John states that a slippery floor or a basketball court
is needed. When asked to do it again by Corin John repeats that he'd been told he looked like a 'skeleton' so wouldn't ..
1of the first incidents of him being self-conscious about his frame.
GOVAN: Who's been picking their toes in our bed? Josie just said she's got 1 up her arse!
John giggles as someone blames Ben. Josie pretends to be annoyed that he'd aired their business 'you've always gotta
embarrass me, haven't you?'
BEN: She's had half of Bristol up her arse!
GOVAN: WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
BEN: The one who was last up her arse!!
Josie gasps in utter shock and laughs shaking her head in disbelief.
John isn't looking forward to leaving now and appearing on BBBM as knows they will quiz him on his wiping. This was an
inner and outer battle that tormented him in his final days too.
JOHN: I might not go .. (Rachael points out he has signed a contract) I'll get ejected.. is that what they do on Big
Mouth? Just full take the p*ss out of the sh*t that doesn't get seen? (He thinks he might need Stevo for protection)
Later on after Josie asks Corin if she is going out for a last fag ..
DAVE: You're a good boy, Johnny boy!
JOHN: Yeah, I know .. Josie likes me..
JOSIE: Yeah!
JOHN: You like me. Don't you, Josie?
JOSIE: I love you.
JOHN: (checks AGAIN) You do like me don't you, Josie? .. Even if I do wipe my ass back to front?
JOSIE: (reassures) Yeah ..even if you have got s****y balls, you're still my mucker!
JOHN: No, as if I do! Of course not..(before declaring himself) I'm the most hygienic person in this place.
JOSIE: But you finger yourself every time you have a sh*t, yeah?
JOHN: No, I've actually never done that before.
Apparently some people in the other group (lockdown?) had asked him if he had done this. Just the usual questions you ask
a perfect stranger!
JOSIE: How old are you, Becks?
JOHN: 24. I don't finger my own arse.. I've never had anyone finger my arse! Wiping your arse back to front
is one thing but having someone actually finger your own arsehole .. I think that's worse..
JOSIE: You haven't got a very high sex drive, have you?
JOHN: I just don't care, nah.. It's not that I don't have a high sex drive.. I just don't care..like I will tap birds
but .. I just couldn't care less, nah! .. if someone said to me 'you're not gonna have sex for 2 years' I wouldn't
care less.. (Josie stares open mouthed and Corin agrees she thinks she wouldn't) People think I'm a strange unit,
obviously that's why I'm in here.. and they knew that. I'm not the full normal .. I'm not what I look like,
probably! But (shrugs) I just don't care.
JOSIE: Do you look like a bit of a ladies man?
JOHN: I don't know .. do I? You can tell me!
JOSIE: Yeah, definitely!..
JOHN: But I'm not like that ..it's not that I'm not like that .. I just don't care.. like you said 'if you go out
and no girl likes you because you wipe your arse the wrong way.. I couldn't care less. I seriously
couldn't care less.. If I leave this house and I get the sh*t booed out of me, I couldn't give a f**k! I
couldn't give a f**k, seriously..
Dave questions if he's saying he doesn't have any drive on a night out to pursue a girl.
JOHN: Nah, never ever have I chased a girl in my life, ever .. not once .. (until Josie!)
Josie quizzes him on whether he gets a lot of attention at home from the ladies.
JOHN: Um..I don't wanna sound like a d**khead but yeah .. more.. probably .. well I can only go by what
my friends get .. so more than them!
JOSIE: What, so they come and chat you up?
JOHN: I've never chatted up a girl in my life, ever.. not once. I swear to God. I've never chased anyone..
I've never chased anyone EVER! Never in a club or anything.
Corin wants clarification on whether it is WOULD never or HAS never.
JOHN: I just don't see why.. like.. I don't see why the guy should have to do it. If .. if, if a girl wants to get
the mack on then she can come up to me!
CORIN: But you might see someone and think 'oh, yeah I like 'em!'
JOHN: No, I wouldn't .. well if she didn't notice me then I can't really be their type then..so I wouldn't
bother. I wouldn't try and make a girl .. if the girl wasn't into 'my' type as such, I wouldn't try and.. if
a girl's attracted to you they would walk up to ya and they would say something. I don't know what
girls are like here.
Corin says she always has done this with guys she's gone out with. John wouldn't have picked that and puts the same
question to Josie, always especially eager to learn more about her 'what about you, Jose?'
JOSIE: I don't know ..
JOHN: You wouldn't go up to a guy?
JOSIE: I don't know.. I'd just .. NO! I would never go up to a guy, no.. never.
JOHN: I haven't even been with that many girls.. probably.. 25.. 30.. I don't know if that's a lot or not a lot..
(Corin thinks this is a lot so he confirms) kissing. I've probably only slept with about 7 ..
JOSIE: I don't think that's a lot at all..
JOHN: Maybe less, I said some of them didn't really register, so..
JOSIE: What? That's just a kiss? You've only slept with 25 .. you've only kissed 25/30 girls?
JOHN: Yeah, probably less.. I'd probably be exaggerating if I said 25, yeah..
JOSIE: You're having me on?
JOHN: I swear to God, I swear to God (Corin is also shocked)
JOSIE:What's the matter with you?
John confides that he didn't kiss a girl until he was 17 and was a virgin until nearly his 20th birthday.
Josie asks why and if he has been in a long-term relationship.
JOHN: Yeah, yeah I was .. it was probably nearly 2 years .. and then ever since I've just sorta been seeing
girls but not really in a relationship .. you know, just sort of.. I don't know what you'd call them.
(SEX BUDDIES?!)
Josie wonders if he actually liked any of them.
JOHN: Erm.. yeah the girl I was with in the beginning, yeah .. she was alright .. but I broke up with her.. I
cheated on her.. so..'
Corin asks why so he tells the story of how he worked in a surf shop with an older girl – she was 21 and he was 17 'so that
was a big deal, especially when I hadn't been with anyone before' she'd employed him to work in the surf shop but
had a boyfriend at the time 'but I didn't know if she was a fan.. she used to flirt with me all the time.. I didn't
really know what was going on.. and then later on when I ended up seeing this other girl that worked at a
surf shop as well, I was with her for nearly 2 years.. um the girl that employed me came back on the scene..
and she started calling me and stuff and she was like 'hey, why don't you come down ..' The camera cuts away
and the sound cuts so we don't hear the details.
At the end of the live feed I can find he is telling them how one of his friends got with his ex.
JOSIE: Oooh!
JOHN: No, I was fine with it .. I set it up, so .. I don't care about that sh*t.. cos he'd just broke up with his
girlfriend I'm like 'well, cos I..
So maybe it isn't uncommon to jump between relationships or 'flings' or seeing people – or whatever they want to call it in Australia?
End of the live feed I could find :)
The topic has Josie coming over all flustered as she fans herself with the pictures. 
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